Pink Bows & Stilettos

"If you want to bring forth grit in your child, first ask how much passion and perseverance you have for your own life goals." - Angela Duckwork, Grit My daughter Arya is at the stage in life where she is literally imitating everything. Her words are coming out a little clearer and she is extremely expressive. There is no doubt when she is happy and there is no mistaking when she is angry. Her temper tantrums are coming to a peak, something she never really did until this year. A couple weeks ago, I realized that her exasperated growl sounded vaguely familiar...too familiar. I immediately felt convicted to my core. What have I been inadvertently showing her about how to handle her emotions? She is Miss Independent. She wants to put on her shoes, take off her coat, feed herself and do her own hair (still don't let her do the last one). As an overprotective mommy, I am always hesitant to let go. I stand close beside her as she goes up and down the stairs, although ...

With the warmer weather finally here, our minds are focused on summer. On Monday, the seniors at Oberlin College will be graduating and going on to the next steps of their journey. For the rest of the student body, you may be working a part-time job, doing an internship, taking an academic course, or conducting research. Some of you may be doing a combination of these while traveling around the globe. Wherever you find yourself this summer, I encourage you to take advantage of every opportunity to learn about yourself - your interests, your strengths, your weaknesses - and try something new. You can do this in many different ways, but here are a few ideas to make the most of your summer experiences. 1. Make a new friend. A friend, not an acquaintance. Really take a chance to get to know someone and allow them to get to know you. And, if you are like me, it may be a challenge to continue that friendship, so plan now to make efforts to stay in touch, even if you live a continent away ...

Recently I met with a student that was looking for a summer job. She didn't know what she wanted, but knew what she didn't want. To me, that is just as important so I pushed forward into the appointment, excited about the conversation ahead. As we talked about possibilities and I showed her the resources available, she continued to shoot down every suggestion or opportunity. I was a bit irritated (I hadn't finished my cup of coffee yet), but would not be deterred. She was abrupt, distant and really irritated herself. I let her know that maybe it would actually be an important step to just explore and seek herself out a bit. At that, she erupted into tears. I realized that the tough exterior was just a facade for the pain inside. She felt inadequate, confused and overwhelmed. I let her cry and reminded her she was doing the right things, and it would all become clearer as she moved forward. I said I'd been in her shoes and told her my story. In her brokenness, I hop...

Over the past week, I reconnected with an old friend, caught up with a good friend and went out with a new friend. All of these women were relationships I made through current or past work experiences. As strong and educated women, I am able to learn from them and grow with them. I am confident that if one of us needed something, the other person would be more than willing and capable to assist. At a risk of over simplifying, this is authentic relationship-building at its finest.  Of course, I have varying levels of professional relationships in my network, and it is important to identify what those levels are for you. I like to say that there are three degrees of separation: Inner Circle - people that know you well and you know well Intermediate Circle - people you acquainted with or recently met  External Circle - people you want to get to know in the future That Inner Circle is precious and is a core group of people that you admire. These relationships t...

God gave me the gift of expression. In other words, I am ridiculously expressive. It shows on my face, it comes out of mouth, it flows from my hands. It is sometimes uncontrollable, although I am slowly getting mastery over my body and face. It's a process. However, I was just made aware of an odd idiosyncrasy of mine. It was first pointed out by a student, then by a co-worker. When I am listening, really intently, my face becomes entirely intense. Intense to the point of disapproving or angry. My eyes narrow and the corners of my mouth tense. Now, I know it is because I am thinking. The person speaking to me thinks otherwise. In the case of the student, they believed they upset me somehow or said something wrong. In the case of my co-worker, they wondered if I understood them or if they were completely off-base. And I am there - but really not - chasing my thoughts into action. I am always a step ahead, considering how this could work, how to phrase my question, or how we ...

Today, my pastor said something profound that was also very simple. That he was chosen to go and love. That he was placed where he was and when he was to love the broken. If we lived like that, like our one purpose in life was just to love, how beautiful this world would be. It also challenged me to think beyond myself, to not see the personal gain or advantage in what I do. I'm at a place professionally where I feel the need and desire for growth. But what if I am placed where and when I am just to love others? To help them feel safe, to help them grow, to teach, to comfort, to love. The young adults I serve every day come with high hopes and expectations for themselves that often fall short within months of their first year in college. Some grow depressed, hopeless, stressed, frustrated. Many walk into my office just wondering what they will become. What an amazing opportunity for me to show them grace and hope. And I wonder, how many times I may have missed the mark becau...