Over the past week, I reconnected with an old friend, caught up with a good friend and went out with a new friend. All of these women were relationships I made through current or past work experiences. As strong and educated women, I am able to learn from them and grow with them. I am confident that if one of us needed something, the other person would be more than willing and capable to assist. At a risk of over simplifying, this is authentic relationship-building at its finest.
Of course, I have varying levels of professional relationships in my network, and it is important to identify what those levels are for you. I like to say that there are three degrees of separation:
- Inner Circle - people that know you well and you know well
- Intermediate Circle - people you acquainted with or recently met
- External Circle - people you want to get to know in the future
That Inner Circle is precious and is a core group of people that you admire. These relationships take more time and effort to nurture, but sometimes happens naturally as you want to keep them close. These are individuals that you can glean information from and you feel you can reciprocate, if needed. These might be your mentors, friends, and supervisors. Most of these relationships you have chosen and choose to maintain these relationships.
Your Intermediate Circle is a bit more outside of your core group, and can be alumni of your alma mater, members of a club or association, and co-workers at your new job. There is green opportunity here to grow these relationships into something more mutually beneficial over time.
The External Circle is a bit amorphous and ambiguous, although you can be incredibly intentional about who is in this circle. As you pursue new opportunities, certain people may be on your list to reach out to, like a new mentor, supervisor or co-worker. If you are interested in a specific subject or career, you might seek out experts in these fields to pick their brains. They would be in your External Circle until you actually meet them and begin knowing them.
Initially, each of these relationships may seem self-serving. Certainly you remember picking out your future “bestie” on the playground. He or she may have been the nicest or maybe the most popular. Something about them drew them to you, there was something they had that you wanted. Most relationships originate this way. I’m here to tell you THAT IS OK. That is not selfish or having ulterior motives. That is human nature.
What makes relationship-building (my happy term for networking) authentic is making the exchange mutual. Instead of asking, “What can they do for me”, you genuinely consider, “How can I add value”. This is what pulls people from the External Circle into your Inner Circle. They have to SEE and FEEL the value of the relationship.
So, how do we do this? What is the secret sauce? Well, there really isn’t one. One person may be completely satisfied by getting your annual check-in newsletter, while another person wants to have coffee every month. It is about getting to know the individual, staying in touch, and being consistent. It isn’t easy, but the effort you put into the relationship will determine what you get out of it.
If there was a secret sauce to authentic relationships it is this: “Know what you want out of the relationship and determine what you can give in return.” That means that every wonderful person you meet cannot possibly enter into your Inner Circle. These are cherished and sometimes time-consuming relationships, the ones you want to cultivate with coffee dates and phone calls. These often require more “face time” than the others.
By being intentional and reciprocal with your professional relationships you can build an authentic network of support.
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