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How does she do it?



I just began a new job. Newness is not something uncommon to me, but I am feeling a little shaken out of the comfortable situation I maintained over the past four years. "This is good for me" I repeat over and over again. And I have to say, I have never been happier at a job. But each day, I am learning there is something else I don't know.

I wonder why it is that as women we believe that we must be the experts, whether it is the expert mother, the expert housekeeper or the expert professional. It is as if these titles define who we are and so we must be the very best. And what's worse is that we aren't just trying OUR best, we are competing against our friends or celebrities that we follow on Instagram. You know, those perfect moms who do everything organic and their craft times are on point. Or maybe that business owner on LinkedIn who perfectly balances her financial statements in one hand and a toddler in the other.

How does she do it?

And we feel guilty as the dishes in the sink mount or as our children watch yet another episode in a row of Dora the Explorer. Or perhaps, as I can identify with, we aren't where we wanted to be with our career or education.

In conversations with these seemingly perfect mom's, I discovered that something's gotta give. And it is usually relationships or a clean house. No one actually does it all or has it all.

Only recently have I stopped berating myself with guilt because I cannot be the mother or professional I envisioned in college. I do what I can and what is most important at the moment. If that means cuddling on the couch with my daughter instead of making dinner or spending the extra hour at work instead of going home, that is what I am going to do. There is no ideal image or ideal life. There is the here and the now, the beautiful and the messy.

I decided to think about what I value and how I can make sure I prioritize these few things.

  1. My faith: I will set aside some time every morning to read the Bible, listen to a teaching and pray. Every big decison is prayerfully made and I will not compromise my beliefs. I will live by a standard of love, and will evaluate my heart by how I care for others and trust God. 
  2. My husband: I would cook one GREAT meal he loves once a week (the rest are quick and easy, which may be processed - don't judge!). We will set aside at least one night where we cuddle on the couch together and watch a show. We will connect once a day, even if it is a conversation on the phone. I will try my best to let him know he is the most important person in my life, and that I respect and value him above everything else. 
  3. My family: My daughter is very affectionate and requires a lot of affection and attention. But I will do my best to teach her balance, while still showing her love. Because I also value education, I will read to her every day and take at least 15 minutes for interactive play, which does not include the TV. 
  4. My work: I will give my ALL during the 8 hours I am here and take every opportunity to learn and grow. My work is not just a job, but it is an opportunity for ministry. I will love and support everyone who comes my way, and will find ways to connect to people meaningfully. I will also find mentors I can learn from professionally and personally, that can pour into me when I feel empty. 
I am also going to take more time for myself in the mornings by waking up just a little earlier and enjoying my coffee and a good breakfast before running out the door and beginning my day. I'd like to do more journaling (pen and paper) and at least 10 minutes of yoga every morning, but these are goals to aspire towards.

When it comes down to it, I am not defined by the things I do every day. I am defined by the person I am at the end of the day. We should strive to grow and learn, and to be women full of strength, love and compassion. There is nothing greater than this. And we must stop comparing because at the end of the day, there is no one quite like you. We all have our struggles and we all have our strengths.

Be the best you.


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